Meaningful Casual

April 16, 2005. I have very warm feelings for Sean. I miss him viscerally right now. Thursday night we stayed up late talking, it was so nice, and then he kissed me good-night. It's confusing to act like lovers even though we're not in love. Mentally I understand what we're doing. I understand we're both at points in our lives that favor freedom over stability and commitment, and yet we can't get by without a good snog now and then, and a regular snog partner is even better.

But physically and emotionally I get attached. Not super-attached or long-term attached, and I can detach when I have to, no big problem. But I like being attached, even if it's short-term. I like a warm kiss good-night. I want to hug him right now and be warm for a boy who feels bad over his wrecked car and hates living alone in his echoing aparment in Jerusalem. It doesn't matter if he's as attached or not, and I'd much rather he be not one bit more attached to me than I am to him. Of course I love to love, and I'd love to be loved, even if it's understood that that love is subordinate to my love of freedom right now. It's still love. Love is grand, and it's so possible to kiss it as it flies. I hope.