Choke Hold

May 1, 2003. Ross, one of the older black belt instructors, attacked me pretty hard the other day, was choking me from behind to prove a point, and I panicked a little, couldn't think clearly or escape, and I felt I'd black out before I could break the hold. He let me go, told me to grab the arm that was choking me and loosen that grip first, then he told me how to put my weight on him and throw him better. He attacked me again and I escaped.

But that feeling the first time, of surprise and helplessness, fear and confusion, it made me think of all the people in Iraq and elsewhere who are being and have been and will be overpowered and killed or disappeared, that helplessness and sadness and fear and rage, it seemed more immediate to me, and it made my stomach hurt. That is so many people's reality, and many don't make it to learn from their mistakes.